January, 2006

 Tuesday, January 31st. Christie trekked to Wenatchee yesterday to have her blood drawn and to meet with Dr. Smith, our oncologist.  As it did during her first chemotherapy treatment, the port would not allow the nurse to draw blood.  After several attempts to try to get it to work, she had to give up and they took her blood the old-fashioned way.  This is somewhat distressing.  My wife seems to be handling this with much more patience than I am.  This is probably a minor matter, but the great thing about having  red hair is that it gives one a pretext for blowing small things way out of proportion and having a cataleptic fit over them.  Fortunately over the years I have learned to moderate my Panic-Alert Knee-Jerk Response and pray first (usually).  So, we had a good, earnest session of prayer about the port yesterday.  The thing that concerns me is that it is within the realm of possibility that if the port continues to malfunction Christie will have to have another surgery to replace it.  However, Dr. Smith assured her that there were a few other tricks to try before that would happen.  I have calmed down since then and am trusting that God is in charge of this relatively minor thing and is going to work it out.  Please join me in praying about that.

There was some good news yesterday, too. In fact, it is remarkable news.  The reason Christie has to have her blood drawn ten days after each treatment is to check her blood levels, particularly the white count.  This part of the three-week treatment cycle is supposed to be the low-point for blood counts and, as a natural result, a very low point in Christie's energy.  Amazingly, her blood counts were relatively strong and she had excellent energy.  In fact, just to prove it, she made bread yesterday. We thank God for His kindness in giving her strength and in granting her grace through this first cycle of chemotherapy to be doing so well.  Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good; for His lovingkindness is everlasting.  Give thanks to the God of gods, for His lovingkindness is everlasting.  --Psalm 136:1-2

Sunday, January 29th.  Christie had a great day today.  First, she spent the morning with her friends (and family, of course) at church.  Then her husband and second daughter made the best Dutch Babies known to man for lunch.  In the evening, Christie, herself, made dinner.  It was so much like a normal day that we were realizing how God is providing strength and energy and endurance in wonderful measure.  Speaking of energy, you will recall that on Tuesday Christie's was so low that it was as though the fires of the sun had been extinguished.  We asked friends at our Tuesday evening Bible study to pray for her and we also asked those of you who read these updates to pray for her.  I know that some human beings would like to attribute events like these to "coincidence" or "natural causes" or (the most nebulous, but omnipotent agent) "chance."  But, since I have become a Christian, I have been the victim of too many "coincidences" that just happen to coincide directly with intentional praying to think that I can give thanks to Nature or Chance for the remarkable resurgence of physical energy that Christie experienced on Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday.  In addition, the Word of God blatantly predicts that those who call on God will be the happy victims of God's merciful work.  "Call on me," says God in His Word, "and I will answer."  Thank you, Lord, for your kind provision of strength to my wife.  And thank you, the many of you who have been praying for us. 

Tuesday, January 24th. For all of God's keeping and kindness to us as a family we are thankful.  He has provided faithfully for us these past few days after Christie's first chemo treatment.  Her nausea was non-existent for the first day and a half.  Since then, it has been very similar to the kind of nausea she had a few weeks ago.  That is a great answer to prayer.  It could have been so very much worse.  However, yesterday she began to experience serious fatigue.  I think that is a predicted symptom, but we were expecting it more in the ten-days-out range when blood counts typically get low.  She is so overwhelmingly tired that tonight she told me (while standing) that she does not have enough energy to lay down.  That sounds fairly tired.  She also told me it takes great concentration and exertion to move her arms.  At least we know that this is a "normal" side effect of the treatment.  It would stand to reason that these effects are likely amplified since Christie is also presently manufacturing a baby.  That, in itself, requires a great outlay of energy.  When you add chemotherapy drugs into that process, that have as their express mission to attack cells, it would naturally add up to some serious depletion of resources.  Anyway, we would appreciate your praying that God would strengthen her with energy and that Christie would not suffer from anemia during this season.  Thank you. 

The most amusing part of the week was the moment when our three year-old came into my office when her mother was at the computer.  She had her blanket in her hand and looked up at Chris with those large, brown eyes that resemble those of an innocent fawn.  In total sincerity, and with a voice loaded with tenderness--as if she were saying "Mommy, how do I love you? Let me count the ways"--she uttered this memorable expression (worthy to be quoted in greeting cards): "Mommy, if your hair falls out . . . I will not love you anymore."  She batted her eyelids several times and proceeded to have some time with her blanket.  Christie held in the laughter and we both assured her that she really would keep on loving Mommy even after her hair fell out.  Our best guess was that this was her premeditated effort to grant her mom some needed encouragement.  She has a little bit more reading to do in the New Testament to understand what biblical encouragement looks like, but fortunately her look and intonation made up for whatever may have been lacking in the message. 

Friday, January 20th.  Well, this morning was the big morning for our family.  My mom came over to the house to spend the morning with her grandkids and we drove to Wenatchee for Christie's first chemotherapy.  First, we had an appointment with Dr. Pitts (uberObstetrician) and his nurse, Lisa (wunderNurse), to check up on how the pregnancy is going.  The great thing is that my wife is gaining weight.  That's right, I am excited that my wife is gaining weight and Dr. Pitts was--I would say--sincerely proud of her.  Good work, honey. 

From there, we walked to the Chemotherapy Room at the Oncology Center.  We were happy that Jacquie, a very kind and patient nurse who is always willing to answer questions and provide clear explanations, was Christie's nurse again today.  Probably the most trying moment for all of us occurred at the beginning of the treatment when the port would not flow both ways.  It would allow fluid to flow in, but it would not allow blood to be drawn out.  For many reasons, that is a bad thing.  For about ten minutes Jacquie carefully tried several different approaches to get the device to work. Of course, it finally did and it was a big relief.  After Jacquie set everything up, we met with Dr. Smith and had several more questions answered.  Then, for the next two hours, Christie had her first treatment.  She did very well and even now (in the evening) she is feeling like herself.  I realize that this is only the beginning, but it is a great beginning and God provided for us throughout every phase of the day. 

Our next stop was at Dr. Monson's to have him look at how she has been healing.  He gave Christie an A.

Thanks again for praying for us.  And thanks to my mom and the friends who helped this be a big day for our children as well. 

Wednesday, January 18th.  There have been some great happenings over this past week.  At the top of the list is the inconceivable truth that my wife is not nauseated.  Based on her seven previous experiences with pregnancy nausea, we had anticipated that sometime in the middle of January she should be feeling better.  Well, so it happened.  That is a great blessing from God.  Consider it, will you, for a moment how it might feel to be nauseated for weeks on end. There is that consistent sense that things in one's middle are about as stable as Plutonium. (I know there are some enduring mothers who know this too well.)  And then, one day, it's over.  What great relief!  That is what Christie is experiencing this week.  It is perfect timing and we thank God. 

Another significant thing occurring this week is the strange relief my wife is experiencing that she is finally going to begin chemotherapy on Friday.  That sounds odd.  However, the daily dread of anticipating this day has been a burden in itself.  As bad or good as chemotherapy may be, she is glad that the waiting is over.  So, when she told me on Tuesday that she felt actually quite encouraged about Friday, I figured it must be because it was finally here.  I also pondered that her attitude is likely a direct function of God's work in her heart and mind as a direct function of her friends and family praying for that very thing.  Thanks for praying for my wife. 

 Just to remind those of you who want to know, this is what the next year looks like for Chris.  She begins a six-treatment cycle of Adriamycin and Cytoxan on Friday.  Those doses are scheduled for every three weeks.  In early February we are hoping to get a picture of the baby with sufficient detail to determine if he is a he or she is a she.  Then, at the end of May, the young Turnbull is going to be persuaded to arrive four weeks early.  About one week after delivery, Christie begins a weekly regimen of Taxol and Herceptin.  The Taxol lasts through the end of August.  The Herceptin lasts for one year.  Sometime in June she will also have a full MRI to find out if and where the cancer has traveled in her body. The big concerns during these treatments are nausea and especially blood levels and infections. In light of all that, we ask you to pray for God's strengthening of Christie through this time and for her health to endure these treatments.   And please pray for our baby.   Thank you to so many of you who have been so committed to pray for us.  

Monday morning I came into the living room to find that "the boy" had again raided the utensil drawer and was marching in circles on the carpet, chanting and grunting.  This kind of behaviour is so variously interpreted depending on which parent is giving an opinion. Christie calls this the "spoon dance." I think it is actually swordplay disguised (for Mom's sake) as a yearning for culinary experience. He has to keep his cover.  If his mom knew that he was actually dreaming of slaughtering Barbarian invaders, she would move all of the spoons and spatulas out of the drawer--and those are the sharpest objects to which  the innocent child currently has access.   As it is, he is surrounded by girls who think that when you play with little playmobil people on horses that you are supposed to make noises for the people!  His sisters actually have the people talk to each other while they are playing. In the words of Hank the Cowdog: "Huh?"  They've got it all wrong. The point of playing with people and horses is to make the noise of the horse!  Even though he can't yet articulate it, he knows there is a whole lot of reeducation that needs to go on around here when he comes of age. 

Wednesday, January 11th.  The really amazing thing about the suffering and death of Christ is that it shows the power of God.  How could the fact of the Son of God being beaten and excoriated and humiliated and shamefully killed be considered as evidence of the power of God?  If we put ourselves in Jerusalem on the day of His death, what do we see?  We see the Man whom most considered to be a prophet sent by God being rejected by the trusted religious establishment, being handed over to the hateful Romans for torture, and being then severely scourged, violently ridiculed, spat on, punched, scorned and then displayed in that condition for all to see by Pontius Pilate. Furthermore, He is then paraded through Jerusalem carrying his cross to be  derided by the people.  Finally, He arrives at Golgotha and--in what appears to be the complete triumph of evil over good, and thus the end of anything like hope or goodness or truth for His followers--He is nailed to a cross and set to die a slow and ugly death. 

Consider how that must have appeared to us if we had been there.  Wouldn't we, who believe Him to be the Son of God, be compelled to conclude that we had been wrong?  Wouldn't we be forced to conclude that our view of God was mistaken?  Surely God would do something to stop such treatment.  Surely God would not allow His Son to be so abandoned to the powers of the world and of evil.  Certainly, as we look on Christ bleeding and suffering, we can not say that this is the work of God!  For us to turn to one another in those hours of the crucifixion and say, "God is being glorified and the Kingdom is triumphant right now" would seem to be one of the most ridiculous utterances that the human mouth has ever spoken.  But that is the tremendous thing about that day. 

To all appearances it was the ultimate triumph of evil over good.  This sinless Man who rightly deserved the thanks and worship and kindness that all humanity could bestow received instead the fiercest hatred and malice that the world could summon.  And God allowed the world to do that to Him.  In fact, He did not just allow it, it was, as Peter said (in Acts chapter two) completely in accordance with "the predetermined plan and foreknowledge of God."  To me, that is the truly remarkable thing about God and His ways.  He uses this seemingly hopeless day to create the greatest hope that men can enjoy.  He trumps the evil of Pharisees and Roman governors by allowing them to have their way with His Son, knowing all along that they are merely doing precisely as He willed.  He shows appearance to be what it so often is, a lie and a cheat that keeps men from believing the truth.  He shows evil to lack the fangs it boasts and he manifests that Good--though sometimes hard to discern in the midst of a fallen world, though sometimes quiet in the jangle of earthly noise--rises surely and inexorably over all and, like the sun breaking through a sullen, cloudy sky, blazes supreme over earth and heaven.  He takes the darkest malignity that corrupt society can foist upon one Man and uses it to effect the salvation of the world!  That is the power of God. 

Without the eyes of faith we look at the cross amiss.  We see defeat and death.  In reality, it is victory and unconquerable Life.  When Christ dies on the cross, it is not merely a man wrongly accused, tragically suffering.  It is God, taking on human flesh, and suffering in our stead, for our own sin, and in so doing, granting us new life.  Who else, but God, can receive the wrath of the world into Himself and use that very wrath to fashion ultimate mercy?     If we are not going to follow the God who can do and has done this, who else will we entrust our lives to?  Where else shall we go for hope?  To whom shall we turn?  He alone has the words of eternal life. 

Tuesday, January 10th.  This morning Christie had another meeting with her physical therapist, Annie.  Annie has been a Barnabas to Christie over the past two months.  If it weren't for her, my wife would really have no idea how fast or slow a person should recover from surgery; she would have no sense of how much or how little progress she was making with her arm.  But because of Annie, my wife has wise perspective on what to expect from her arm and has been encouraged every week that her arm is gaining strength and motion (which it is).  Today, Chris went into Annie's office and raised her arm way over her head and Annie's eyes almost leapt clean out of their sockets with amazement.  She was stunned.  As she has so many times, she sincerely encouraged my wife.  We are grateful for her work and also to God for His work in my wife's arm and life.  It is another evidence of God's mercy that He imparts strength to those who need it. 

Thursday, January 5th.  With the passing of the first week of the new year our focus is on preparing for the start of chemotherapy on January 20th.  It is grim reading to survey all of the possible side-effects of the various chemotherapy drugs as well as the drugs that are taken to help alleviate some of those effects.  It is a sort of side-effect of the side-effect effect and it leaves a person feeling like they must climb the side of the Grand Canyon without a rope . . . and with only one arm.  It's not that it cannot be done; it is that it seems overwhelming.  From Christie's perspective this is one of the biggest deals in her life.  She looks ahead to four months of Adriamycin and Cytoxin, then a childbirth, then three months of Taxol and that all starts sounding a lot like the valley of the shadow of death or like battling a man whose "height is six cubits and a span" and who carries a spear the size of a weaver's beam.  I cannot believe how well she is bracing herself for this.  God is obviously giving her grace, but part of His grace is to allow us to suffer and need Him more than otherwise. 

It is reminiscent of the time when the Lord led the people of Israel through the desert and had them camp at Rephidim where "there was no water for the people to drink."  Of course He knew that there was no water there and He brought those thirsty people to that spot to camp on purpose.  To them it appeared that He had misled them or abandoned them, or at the very least, it looked like it would be wiser to lead themselves than to follow the Lord.  They questioned Moses and bitterly accused him of trying to kill them.  Moses rightly pointed out that they were really testing the Lord.   This was their response to their severe thirst, but it was a thirst that God had intended. He allowed them to suffer so that they could see His mighty acts and know Him more deeply.  The Lord told Moses to take his staff and the elders of Israel and stand at the rock of Horeb.  "I will stand before you there on the rock at Horeb; and you shall strike the rock, and water will come out of it, that the people may drink."  And so God led them to a place where they would see that He is the one who satisfies the thirst of the thirsty.  They doubted Him.  He was faithful.  He satisfied their thirst, and He also revealed His grace and power to them in the process.  That is probably what they needed more than water.  Thanks for praying for us to look to Him during this waiting time. 

Here is a poem that our second daughter composed over Christmas.  I am pretty sure that William Wordsworth wasn't quite this good at age 10.

Swirling through the forest, the leaves in Autumn swarm.

Twirling like butterflies, they verily warn,

That snow will soon be coming, and Autumn then will leave.

And through the forest falls the snow, lighter than the leaves.

The snow is falling slowly, and the trees from snowloads sway,

Many tiny snowdrops make a burden for a pauser in their way.

The Autumn has glided away, the snowfall now has come.

Spring will be here any day, surprising anyone. 

Finally, on Tuesday night after dinner, the youngest girl came into my office while I was away.  When Christie looked for her, this is what she found. Christie tried her best to keep her in a state of slumber and transfer her to her bed, but it failed and a grumpy child replaced our daughter until she fell asleep again.  Anyway, we thought this picture was a classic.