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December, 2005

Monday, December 26th. It has been a monstrously long time since we updated this page. We extend our thanks to many people. First, to all of you who have prayed for us recently we are grateful to say that God has provided for my wife to be doing quite well. This past week she has felt like a standard human being. In fact, with avid glee, she told me last Thursday that she felt like a normal woman in her kitchen, helping her kids. That is saying a lot given how she felt just a few weeks before. She does have some substantial nerve pain in her arm much of the time, but she is gaining back most of the range of motion and her strength is excellent. And though Christie's normal pregnancy nausea rolled back in last month and continues to be a daily struggle, she has also experienced several days of relatively nausea-free time that would have resulted in cartwheels if only our living room was bigger. In fact, yesterday (Christmas) my wife enjoyed the act of fixing dinner for her husband, her mother-in-law and her children. Here is a pre-prandial action photo.

You should note several things in this photo. First, there is my uncanny talent for taking pictures that have some major element out of focus (in this case, my wife) or missing or (best of all) have people with eyes half-open as though in a hindic trance. Second, the youngest child (the boy) in the picture is about to eat uncooked fowl for Christmas dinner. Third, the sharp tablecloth was given to us by my sister for Christmas. She could easily start a gift-buying business. She has great talent. Call her for gift ideas.

The second group of people we would would like to thank are all of those who have sent us money and presents, many even anonymously. Thank you! If one of your names is "Anonymous," I am talking to you. Last week we got back from one trip to Wenatchee to find two large garbage bags filled with presents for our children. On another occasion, we found gift bags containing hand-knit scarves for our kids and Christie on our porch. These are just two examples to illustrate the theme. To all of those people in our church, to all of those who are part of the Leavenworth community, to all of those in far away places who have shown us kindness and encouraged us through your words and gifts: THANK YOU! It is quite frustrating to figure out how to convey our thanks in some way that is satisfactory. Merely saying "thank you" seems a parody. But that is the primary tool we have and so that is what we are saying to you. If only I could figure out how to relate the width and breadth of the kindness of God manifested through people to us; He is actually "rich in mercy."

Of course, I have to talk about my favorite presents. This year my mom gave me a book of Maynard Dixon's paintings that I have been drooling over for five years. Dixon was a famous illustrator and a painter of southwest landscapes. In my opinion, he was a master of light and the tone of the desert. Here are a couple of examples of his painting.

And from my wife, I was given The Art of Memory by Frances Yates, which is a survey of the system used by the Greeks, Romans and Medievals for memorizing very large quantities of material, sometimes entire books. It is also a history of Western Culture along the way. And Tom (a best friend from Cornerstone Bible Church) gave me Mere Discipleship, a book which he has been reading and thinking on for a few months. I am hopeful that I can read them soon, but even if it takes me a several months I continue to believe that books are the best form of gift a person can give to another person. Our house is a better place for the sole fact that we have some new books in it. This is a philosophic truth my wife has a hard time grasping. (Possibly it is because we have moved too many times in the past 15 years for there to be anything funny about another box of books.) She seems to think that value resides in a book only if one reads it within five years. Just five years! That is to miss the fact that some books make life better just as a function of their presence, similar to the benefit that having a life-sized statue of Alexander would bring to our living room. Just having him in your house, presiding over coffee and conversation, would make it hard for one's friends to say things like "those Turnbulls are so modern and flighty." Other books are worth the space they occupy until we require them when we get old and gray. Others are waiting for the days when our children get older. It is almost as if my wife thinks we could have too many!? To that, I say "Bah!" Robert Southey, the poet, quipped that "old friends and old books are the best things this world affords." It is pretty hard to argue with that. So, I just gained three new friends for Christmas.

One more highlight from this past week was the great Christmas tree hunt. We like to go into the woods to find our tree and this year, because we were so late in getting it, we went just a ways up nearby Icicle canyon. The best part of the outing was this picture I took of "someone" who looked exactly like our eldest. I can't quite remember precisely, but I think she was pretending to object to the idea of actually working hard in order to gather the tree and take it home, (she was actually happy to help carry it to the road). It should be titled something like, "The Lady Rowena Properly Refuses to Touch the Tools of Tree-slaughter" or "Picture of a Lady in a Snowsuit with Saw and Backpack" or "Aspiration and the Forest."

In recent readings through the Old Testament, I have been re-impressed by the majesty of Isaiah's prophecies. Brian O'Dell reminded us of this one:

Behold, the Lord God will come with might, with His arm ruling for Him. Behold His reward is with Him, and His recompense before Him. Like a shepherd He will tend His flock, in His arm He will gather the lambs, and carry them in His bosom; He will gently lead the nursing ewes. --Isaiah 40:10-11

Friday, December 16th. This week contained no less than five doctor's appointments for my wife. That seems like a bunch, but they are becoming somewhat routine. We are thanking God for all of the kind families and grandmothers and aunts who have been spending time with our children while we have been in Wenatchee. On Wednesday, Christie's had an ultrasound performed on her liver. The liver is one of the classic places in which breast cancer can metastasize when it spreads. Initially, when the image of her liver came on the screen, my wife was bordering on shock. It was full of spots. As her blood pressure rose, the technician explained that those spots were very normal and of no consequence. (I guess all people are victims of the silent spotted liver affliction, a disease so insidious that it has absolutely no other symptoms and causes absolutely no health problems!) Anyway, did you know that the liver is the largest organ in your body?! That was a medical fact new to our family. But Christie's liver looked perfect. Thanks for praying for her. Also, on a side note, while they were looking at her liver, the technician took some time to view her pancreas. I do not lie when I tell you that the ultrasound specialist was so completely impressed by the perfection of Christie's pancreas that she exclaimed, "your pancreas should be in a textbook!" Of all the things a woman could boast of, I will bet forty dollars none thought to be proud of their pancreas. As it turns out, Christie should be broadcasting the perfection of hers to the 50 states.

Today, Christie had her portacath flushed to keep it open for the upcoming chemotherapy treatments. Her nurse, Jackie, was as considerate and kind as a person could be. However, it was not a very comfortable procedure and the fact that there is a long road of lots of treatments and discomfort ahead has been weighing on my wife's mind. I think it will be almost a relief to start chemotherapy so at least the unknown can become known and the anticipatory dread can cease.

After her appointment we spent several hours in Wenatchee shopping for presents. We enjoyed our afternoon together and returned home in the early evening to see that our once dignified house had undergone a material change. In fact, we were not quite prepared for what we saw. To give a little context, you should know that the day after Thanksgiving, the girls and I put up the Christmas lights on the outside of the house. This included putting icicle lights around the top of the porch, some white lights around the dining room window and some classic-style colored lights down the fence. Well, that was not all that was alight when we drove up this evening. I took some pictures in case we decide to press charges on the culprits.

Please note that there are an infinity of Christmasey items added to our original decorations. Now, I would have to say that the garlands on the front of the porch, the added lights around the columns and the wreath on the porch possess their proportion of taste. However, as we all know, there is a reasonable limit. The human ear can only support a finite number of earrings. The American house can only support a finite number of decorations and still retain its self-respect. As of tonight, our house has exceeded that limit and if a house could weep, oh, how great would be its cry! I wish I had recorded our comments and laughter in the car for posterity when we pulled up, so the secret decorators could know how supremely they had triumphed. It had to be almost as satisfying as Marius' victory over the Barbarians.

After we got over the initial shock, we stood in the street to get the full effect. Of course, the most shameful element would have to be the light-up, inflatable snow man. I cannot tell you how many times I have muttered biblical imprecations upon those things as we have driven past them during this season. And now, I HAVE ONE! AAAAHHHHH!!!! What must my neighbors think? How can I look even one of them in the eye ever again?

As I said, the most obvious element was the snow man. But the crowning achievement of these conspirators took us a while to perceive. You can barely see it in the picture above: there was some pause before it really hit us. Here is a close up so you, too, can absorb the drama.

That gold cherub/angel thing suspended by the white chain with the snowflake garnish has got to be the finest example of kitsch the world has ever seen. Now, in a different context, it might actually "work." But as a part of the montage on our porch, it only serves to herald the end of stateliness and dignity. For this golden angel to appear in the same frame as the snowman from Wal-Mart must mean that Art is dead and that Western Civilization has finally been swallowed by consumerism. I somehow think that those people who decorated our house did not intend to be quite so profound in their social commentary. At the very least, I hope they do know we appreciated, and do appreciate it. Thanks for brightening our porch and our day. We know what it really means. It really means that you love us.

Tuesday, December 13th. Throughout this season in the Turnbulls' lives we have been renewed in our strength and hope by remembering (over and over) the really important things. For one, there is the bare fact that nothing really matters more than human beings. As much as I love our house and our yard and the mountains and our old Subaru and the red rocks of Utah and the old desk in my office and certain 60's music, all of that recedes into the background when something like cancer becomes a part of one's life. I can't think of anything on the earth that is more important than my wife and our children and our family and friends. I don't treasure anything on this earth more than those people. Really, what could be more important than a person?

But even more significant in our lives has been, and certainly now is, our relationship with God. In some ways, going through a time like this resembles trekking through an August desert, or being put into an oven to bake at 375. It cooks away all of the excess and nonessentials, and we are left to survive on what is really substantial. I think you know how it is when you have been hiking or working outdoors all day in the middle of summer and the only thing you really want is the one thing you really need: water. Americans spend a whole lot of time drinking soda pop, but that would not be the thing to give someone who is suffering real thirst.. At that moment of true need, there is nothing that tastes better than water. This parallels the effects of this trial for us. It makes our desires mirror our true needs. We begin to want what God says we really need. Instead of trying to draw nourishment from evanescent things like Herb Alpert's music, we are forced (in the good way) to find our delight and satisfaction and hope in the one thing that lasts forever and is unperturbed by small things like cancer: God Himself. This fact makes the words of Christ in John 7:37 and 38 even more pointed: Jesus stood and cried out, "If any man is thirsty, let Him come to me and drink. He who believes in Me, as the Scripture said, 'From his innermost being shall flow rivers of living water.' "

It is during this season that we are reminded of the essentials that bring us spiritual life and hope in the face of death. Here are some of the most important I know:

1. That God created the world and everything in it and that because of that He has the rights (as all inventors and creators do) over what He made. I belong to Him and Christie belongs to Him and He can (and should) do with our lives in accordance with the good purpose for which He made us. As the Scripture says, "it is He who made us and not we ourselves."

2. That God, who made the world and us, has also mercifully revealed Himself to us. He is holy and righteous and good. This is the great hope of people living in an imperfect world (like you and me)! God is good and just and will ultimately make all things right. His excellent character means that evil will not go unpunished and that suffering is not the end of the story, although it may be a significant part of the middle. As the Scripture says, "proclaim the name of the Lord; ascribe greatness to our God! The Rock! His work is perfect, for all His ways are just; a God of faithfulness and without injustice, righteous and upright is He."

3. That His goodness and righteousness are not only our one true hope but also the ultimate standard by which all men will be measured. God's character is the pattern that we were made to imitate. When we go astray from His ways and His goodness in the way we think or act or treat our neighbors, we are missing the mark and naturally guilty. This going astray is what the Bible calls "sin" and has just as much to do with what we omit as what we commit. For example, the Scripture says, ""You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind." In this excellent command I see God's goodness as well as my own breaking of that command.

4. That cancer is a great metaphor of sin. Cancer is a cell that is meant to be part of a larger organism, that decides to live for itself and grow at the expense of the organism. In the same way, I have sinned personally against my Creator (ask my wife for details) and--it may be hard to believe-- Christie has also sinned. In fact, the Scripture says, "all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." And just like cancer, something has to be done about sin. It cannot be allowed to grow and prosper. If it does it will kill whatever it touches. That is why it makes sense when the Scripture says that "the wages of sin is death." Death is a final separation, and sin will ultimately separate me forever from the people I love and God who made me. This is probably the most culturally uncomfortable teaching in the Scriptures, that people like you and me will spend the rest of forever separated from God and everything that is good (since all good things come from ultimately from Him). But it is realizing the accuracy of this truth that allows us to even begin to really see another facet of God's goodness.

5. That God is merciful and kind beyond all comparison. The wonder and scandal of the Scriptures is that they tell the story of a God who loved us so much that, "while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." Who would give his life for a friend? Many heroic men and women have done so. But the amazing thing about God is that He gave His life for His enemies. Christ offered His sinless life in the stead of those who deserved to die because of their sin. That's me. And, to add to the wonder of this story, after His death (because He is God) Christ rose from death as the conquering Saviour. Can you see how that is the decisive hope for the Turnbulls? If Jesus Christ loved us so much that He would offer His life for ours, how will He not also be faithful to help and keep us through such a trial as this cancer? If Christ shattered death itself through the power of His own indestructible life, how can we refuse to have hope in the face of death?

6. That God also mercifully applied these truths to our lives personally. It wasn't just enough for us to know about these ideas. We had to come to the point where we acknowledged that we had indeed ignored and disobeyed God and that we, personally, were rightly vulnerable to His righteous judgment. Then we could actually see Christ not merely as some figurehead of a major world religion, but we could embrace Him as the living God who saves us and gives us life. As the Scripture says, "God commands all men everywhere to repent." That word, "repent" means to turn away from sin and to march toward God. This all happened at a particular point in both of our lives. It involved admitting to God our sin, and committing our lives to Him and thanking Him for His forgiveness. That personal interaction with God has become a daily way of life. Paul ideally describes this type of life (in the book of Galatians) when he says, "I have been crucified with Christ and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me, and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God who loved me and delivered Himself up for me." Of course, this is the very kind of life that we are seeking and that we seek for every one of our friends and family.

On an unrelated note, we had a great birthday party for the oldest Turnbull girl this weekend. Aunt Cathy (that's right, the Aunt Cathy) and her son Tyler (known as Ty-Ty to the kids in this house) and my mom (who has served her family so wonderfully this past month) all came to celebrate. Here are some pictures from that very celebration. (Note the striking Finnish wife in these photos.)

Friday, December 9th. To all of you who were asking God to give us wisdom in our appointment today, we thank you for praying. Our meeting with Dr. Smith, the oncologist, went magnificently. After having consulted with the breast cancer Big Wigs (Where in the world did we get that phrase!? I'll have to look it up. Maybe it is a reference to hairdos associated with the 60's in the vein of the Mod Squad) in Seattle, and some of the other cancer professionals in Wenatchee, she and we came up with a new treatment plan for Christie. We are superthankful for the care with which Dr. Smith has approached our case and for the insightful advice of the doctors in Seattle. In order to maximize the effectiveness of using Adriamycin and Cytoxin to attack any other Her2neu cancer cells or tumors that might be covertly growing somewhere else in her body, it is ideal to follow that with another type of medicine called Taxol. The "A and C" are proven to be safe during pregnancy. The Taxol is definitely not. Here is the tension: we want to have the chemo start as soon as we can so as not give any cancer cells the freedom to grow, but if the A and C is started too early, it will mean the break between it and the Taxol will be too long, thus neutralizing the effectiveness of the sequence. Dr. Smith worked out a way to resolve much of this tension.

Here is the new plan. Christie will receive six doses of A and C every three weeks, beginning on the 20th of January. Dr. Pitts, our obstetrician from the Light Fantastic, has wisely proposed that our baby (as of yet unnamed) could be delivered early. After the delivery, Christie would begin treatments of Taxol and Herceptin (which, by the way, has been in the news yet again this week). This plan allows for the maximum doses of A and C and also permits the Taxol to begin in quick enough succession to maximize its potency. We are very encouraged by this plan. At the tail end of the appointment, Christie and I were able to visit the place where her chemotherapy will be administered and had the chance to meet some of the nurses there. That was one more step in removing some of the dread out of the prospect of chemotherapy. Thank you again and again for praying for us.

Wednesday, December 7th. Christie's current medical schedule has included two visits to Ann, her physical therapist, in order to restore the normal range of motion to her arm after surgery. Ann has been uber-competent and encouraging. In fact, today Ann kept saying, "Wow, I can't believe it! You are doing so well!" After only two days since her first appointment (on Monday) Christie has gained 14 degrees of motion in her worst rotation. Now, one could say that is due solely to the diligence of my wife in performing her prescribed exercises. But we are not fooled. We know that is part of the story; the other secret side of the story is that God is mercifully strengthening her as she heals. Thanks again for praying. Her appointments with Ann are a highlight to her recovery. Additionally, the fluid that was such a factor last week continues to be a decided nonfactor this week. The pressure on her shoulder is steadily minimal and that, too, is hopeful.

Meanwhile, we are waiting for a meeting with Dr. Smith on Friday to discuss the treatment options and ask our catalogue of questions about the strengths and weaknesses of the various plans for types and sequences of chemotherapy. We are looking forward to that time. Fortunately, Dr. Smith is a great question answerer. Perhaps that meeting will lead to a visit to the Seattle doctor. That is one of the many things we are wondering right now and look forward to discovering. On the one hand we are eager to begin any treatment that would disrupt any cancerous activity that might be occuring unknown to us in Christie's system. Waiting seems dangerous from that vantage. On the other hand, we are beginning to understand that which treatments and when, and which drug follows which, may be as crucial to effective treatment as timing is. At any rate, we are enjoying this week as our kids' lives are gaining more normalcy and Christie is feeling better. To God be the glory for that very routine but blessed state of affairs.

Monday, December 5th. Newsflash! Late this afternoon, as I was working on material for my classes, my wife informed me that the "egg" on her shoulder is improving. This is quite remarkable. Over the course of the weekend she was getting more and more pressure building up in her shoulder and was completely certain that she would need to see the surgeon tomorrow or Wednesday to have it aspirated. In a sudden turn of events, today her shoulder actually feels better. Whatever happens tomorrow, we thank God for answering our (and many others') prayers regarding this very thing. Thank you for praying!

I cannot understand how it is that God shows us such kindness through our church and the churches and the people in this valley and the people in America. As I think about the people in Pakistan who are still suffering so extremely from cold and hunger and lack of shelter from the big earthquake this fall, I realize that even though my wife has serious cancer, our sufferings are not the worst. And even so, God has daily shown His care for this family in regular installments of encouragement from His word and warm meals and generous gifts and notes to my wife. I could not imagine navigating this storm without the provision of a sovereign God and the people He brings into our lives. Events like this shred the delusive ideal of the independent, self-made, gun-t0ting, cigar-chewing loner who needs only his one-eyed dog and his Colt in order to overcome impossible odds all by himself to rule the West. The problem with that picture is that it doesn't work. We, frankly, could not make it without Jesus Christ. We also could not make it without our family and friends. And so we find in times like this that a one-eyed dog is not much help.

All that a season of suffering like this does for me is to show me in practice what God's Word (the Bible) has all along been speaking as truth. Virtue has more to do with living humbly in a community than living proudly apart. It is almost as if we were made to need each other. As the Scriptures say: If one member suffers, all the members suffer with it; if one member is honored, all the members rejoice with it. Now you are Christ's body and individually members of it (1 Corinthians 12:26, 27).

Friday, December 2nd. Can you believe it is December already? For that matter, can you believe that 2005 is almost over? Each year at about this time, I finally adopt the correct year when writing the date on my checks at the store and then the number changes again! Is it just my perception, or is someone giving vitamins to the calendar? I had intended to give the question about the passage in the book of James just a day to percolate in our minds, but it is suddenly Friday and I have not picked up the thread. Thanks for your patience. Before we reflect on that passage from God's Word, let me tell you what has been happening with my wife.

Today she saw Dr. Monson's partner to have the swelling on her shoulder drained again. It became quite uncomfortable yesterday and seems to be collecting fluid fairly steadily. After about two days it starts to build up quite a bit of pressure and makes part of her arm numb and the surrounding area hurt. Thankfully, the doctor was able to remove that excess fluid and she was considerably relieved. He also said this was every normal. As Christie was telling me in the car, that swelling is the worst after-effect of her surgery and she can't believe it. She was prepared for much worse. Her recovery has been swift and she has had so much less pain than the surgeon had predicted as likely. Thanks be to God for giving my wife strength after surgery and answering prayer.

We heard from Dr. Smith, the oncologist, on Wednesday. During our meeting with her last week we had requested the opportunity to get a second opinion on the proposed chemotherapy regimen before we embraced it as "the plan." Graciously, she offered to contact the breast cancer specialist at the University of Washington to consult with her about the proposed treatment. When she called on Wednesday, it was to bring us news of their conference. As you know, the original plan has been to begin chemotherapy on December 16th and continue it for the ensuing four months. Then, the proposal was to follow that with Herceptin for 52 weeks. The oncologist in Seattle had another idea. She thinks it would be wise to consider a later start date (in third trimester of pregnancy) for the chemotherapy and then after the boy or girl is delivered, to follow with another, very potent type of medicine called Taxol. We are thankful to have received a second opinion, not because we are going to adopt it blindly, but because it allows to see that there are several approaches to treating Christie's cancer and there is some time to make a careful decision. We will likely meet with the oncologist in Seattle in a couple of weeks to have a consultation and have our many questions addressed. In the meantime, Dr. Smith is handling our case very professionally. Please pray for us regarding this meeting in Seattle and that we would have direct wisdom from God (who gives to those who ask of Him) to consider all the pertinent questions and options. Thank you.

The medical theme to our daily lives seems to be widening its scope as time goes by. I hadn't realized that our kids have latent powers as paramedics, but, as you will see, they really do.

In the past few weeks, our six year-old has been developing a preference for Altoids breath mints. (This is not an advertisement for Altoids. Neither I nor my wife are related to Collard or Bowser or their company employees or their subsidiaries.) She likes the classic tin that they come in and she also savors the look and feel of having some mints in her purse and popping one into her mouth at will. That tin of Altoids often gets misplaced and spends periods of its life at random locations throughout the house, even, at times, in places that the one year-old boy who lives here likes to frequent. Perhaps you can see it coming. At about 11:00 a.m. this morning, the eldest raced into my office in a 3/4 panic. She had our son stuffed under her arm like she was toting her pillow, his head and legs were bouncing up and down as she ran in. "He has an Altoid in his mouth!" she shouted first to me and then to her mother. Due to the years of experience of overreacting to "emergencies" we both looked at her for a few seconds like the townspeople did at the boy who cried wolf. Unjaded by so many false alarms, however, our 10 year-old rocketed off the floor and had her hands in his mouth before her feet had hit the ground. She performed the classic finger sweep three times and had every particle of Altoid mint out of his mouth and onto my favorite office rug before the parents had fully engaged the situation. If he had truly been choking, I have no doubt that our son could not have received better care from Dr. Brackett (think "Emergency"). After our son was out of "danger" his ambulance dropped him like he was a sack of grain and left the office to go eat. The ten year-old returned to her schoolwork on the floor. Our son got up, looked at his mother, looked up at me, and as though he were trying to say, "Dad? What was that all about?" remarked "Baaa, Daaa," and left the room with a sly smile.

By the way, as I was writing this installment I was actually listening to Herb Alpert and the Tijuana Brass. Isn't it great! If you read the entry for November 21st, you know that there is some significant disagreement between my wife and I over the relative value of Herb Alpert's music. I was subject to endless hours of Herb in the car (on the 8-track tape player) as a child and grew to love the lazy sound of his trumpet and his snappy arrangements. My wife, by contrast, finds no nostalgic associations warming her heart when she hears him and--if you can comprehend this--actually prefers not to hear his music. If you, like me, recognize real art when you hear it, feel free to encourage my wife to rethink her position by sending your insights to polycarp65@verizon.net. Now, on to something that really does matter.

Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. This passage from James, chapter one, in the New Testament naturally gives rise to many questions. One of them, I raised on Tuesday: How can God command us to find joy in suffering when it is the very thing that seems to vanquish joy? First, we need to at least acknowledge that God is actually commanding us to rejoice in the midst of trials. Even if on this side of death, we cannot make full sense out of it, it is clearly a command of God and as such deserves our trusting obedience. If I only obeyed those commands that I could wrangle thorough sense out of, I wouldn't be trusting God; I would be forcing Him to accommodate to my understanding. But because He is our good God, we can trust that His commands are for our good and are, in themselves, good and thus reasonable to obey.

Second, we are given a reason to rejoice in the midst of trial. Indeed, we are to consider the encountering of the trial a joy in itself, but that becomes reasonable and possible as we see the ultimate effect that various trials can work in our lives. Endurance and maturity is that effect.. It is an obvious truth that human muscle tissue develops in direct proportion to how much resistance it encounters. As a man learns to lift a weight that is initially painful or uncomfortable to lift, he grows in strength. In the same way, a young mind that must repeatedly work over and over on a set of math problems in order to finally grasp and solve them actually grows in the process. It appears that God has constructed the universe in such a way that real growth does not really occur but by overcoming difficulty and pain. The child who refuses to apply himself to math problems that are initially beyond his understanding will find that he is not growing in his understanding. The man who never works harder than is initially comfortable will never become stronger. So, this verse shows the reader that God cares more about endurance and maturity than temporal comfort. In fact, He teaches us that any comfort that is not a function of real maturity is actually not real comfort, but a deceptive substitute. The glorious hope found in this passage, and the one we have been thinking about over this past month, is that God brings trials into our lives in order to make us better than we ever would feel comfortable becoming. He is producing endurance in our lives and there is only one way to acquire that precious trait and that is through suffering. He is seeking to make us what we were created to be, complete and perfect in Him and there is only one road to that destination and that leads straight through a valley of trials. It is not as though my wife's cancer is a detour from the rich life of finding joy in Christ; it is the road to that rich life for us. This passage of the Bible, like trials themselves, runs us right up to the foot of one of the big, towering questions every person must answer. What am I going to live for? What makes life, real life? If we follow the logic of the Scriptures, we soon see (through the life and teachings of Christ and the lives of His disciples) that real life is not about being comfortable, it is about growing in our capacity to see and hear and know God, Himself.